I hold a lot of secrets. Even anonymously, it's extremely difficult to type the words. Secrets are a weapon to be used against you. I told my psychologist that if he wrote anything down I said, I would never tell him the truth or reveal my secrets to him. He is the only person on … Continue reading Secrets
You internally battle yourself every day. You wonder who you are because you never had an opportunity to find out. You have low self esteem. Your sense of self worth doesn't just suddenly rise because you climbed out of the hole. Those dirt walls still surround you. You struggle every minute of every hour of … Continue reading Being Nothing
Being married to a bipolar/mentally ill person is being constantly judged, condemned blamed, and criticized. Everything you do is looked down on with harsh disapproval. You become brainwashed. It's the constant drip, drip, drip of the faucet. Fault is found in every word you speak. You become mute. You are trapped in your silent mind, … Continue reading Criticism and Judgement
Insanity, Madness, Mental Illness, Crazy, Personality disorder, Bipolar, a label doesn't change the outcome or behavior. Neither does an official diagnosis. .There is no cure. Medication only lessons the severity of some of the symptoms. You can't manage his medication for him. He must want to help himself. You can't change him. You can't help … Continue reading Lessons Learned from a bipolar
Are we capable of choosing to be evil or is it a mental illness? The National Alliance on Mental Illness defines mental illness as a condition that affects a person's thinking, feeling, or mood. Evil is defined as profound immorality, wickedness, and depravity. That implies that evil is a choice. I would consider serial … Continue reading Evil: a mental illness or choice?
So many times he just didn't make sense. I would be dumbfounded by some of the things he would do. I seriously can't make this stuff up. When cities need money, sometimes they would send code enforcement to drive through neighborhoods and give tickets for the smallest of infractions. One of the ticketable offenses was … Continue reading Can I please pay the Ticket?
He was always so greedy. It makes perfect sense to me that he mentally, physically, and especially financially abruptly cut off his girls and me. He spent our entire marriage buying every man toy he ever wanted. I was barely able to get braces for both girls teeth. He over the years bought dirt bikes, … Continue reading Greed and Selfishness
When I married him at just barely eighteen, we were just starting out and really didn't have anything. What we needed most was a dependable vehicle. I brought a 1980 Ford Mustang into the marriage. It had cute black painted racing stripes and a not so powerful four cylinder engine. It constantly broke down. ( … Continue reading The Truck
What I want understood by people is that I am not him. I am not responsible for him. I have no control over him. Will he stalk me? Will he hurt me? How could I possibly know the answers? Will I die of a virus? Cancer? Be killed by a drunk driver? Drown? I can't … Continue reading I am Not Him
Over a lifetime of bad memories, probably the worst one that stands out in my mind happened the day before he left. Holly and I were leaving to ride horses at the barn. She picked up her saddle and her dad casually asked her with a huge smile if she wanted help putting it in … Continue reading Haunted