I hold a lot of secrets. Even anonymously, it's extremely difficult to type the words. Secrets are a weapon to be used against you. I told my psychologist that if he wrote anything down I said, I would never tell him the truth or reveal my secrets to him. He is the only person on … Continue reading Secrets
Being married to a bipolar/mentally ill person is being constantly judged, condemned blamed, and criticized. Everything you do is looked down on with harsh disapproval. You become brainwashed. It's the constant drip, drip, drip of the faucet. Fault is found in every word you speak. You become mute. You are trapped in your silent mind, … Continue reading Criticism and Judgement
In a perfect world, we would have been married happily ever after. In a perfect world, he would have loved me more than he loved himself, more than his own life. In a perfect world he would have nurtured the light at the center of my being until it was a great roaring fire that … Continue reading Perfect World
Are we capable of choosing to be evil or is it a mental illness? The National Alliance on Mental Illness defines mental illness as a condition that affects a person's thinking, feeling, or mood. Evil is defined as profound immorality, wickedness, and depravity. That implies that evil is a choice. I would consider serial … Continue reading Evil: a mental illness or choice?
Roast turkey, mashed potatoes, gravy, cornbread stuffing, cranberries, cinnamon rolls with thick sweet icing, candied carrots, homemade apple, cherry, and pumpkin pies with vanilla bean ice cream Thanksgiving 1988 and I made everything the old fashioned way with my own two hands in our tiny apartment. It was a lot of food and I had … Continue reading Cranberries and Craziness
So many times he just didn't make sense. I would be dumbfounded by some of the things he would do. I seriously can't make this stuff up. When cities need money, sometimes they would send code enforcement to drive through neighborhoods and give tickets for the smallest of infractions. One of the ticketable offenses was … Continue reading Can I please pay the Ticket?
What I want understood by people is that I am not him. I am not responsible for him. I have no control over him. Will he stalk me? Will he hurt me? How could I possibly know the answers? Will I die of a virus? Cancer? Be killed by a drunk driver? Drown? I can't … Continue reading I am Not Him
Over a lifetime of bad memories, probably the worst one that stands out in my mind happened the day before he left. Holly and I were leaving to ride horses at the barn. She picked up her saddle and her dad casually asked her with a huge smile if she wanted help putting it in … Continue reading Haunted