Not his Mommy Dearest

Yesterday, I sort of had an epiphany about why I was the target and symbol of his rage. It really made sense to me. In his mind, I had the status of his mother. You know how mama’s boy type men marry a woman that reminds them of their mom and daddy’s little girl type women marry a man who reminds them of their dad? Mystery solved.  He hated his mother and our whole marriage replaced her with me.  Many times he told me he would stand behind his bedroom door waiting for her to enter and planned to kill her. He and his brother were abused as children.  She was not a good mother to them, at times, beating them, not feeding them, and confining them. He told me they both hated her.  As children, they would lay in bed at night and think up ways to kill her.  One scenario would have one of them grabbing her as she came into the bedroom and the other would choke, punch, and stab her. They never actually followed through. It is notable that it’s not normal for little boys to think up ways to torture and kill their mothers. My ex-husband transferred his hatred of her to me. In his mind, he could harm, hurt, yell, and torture me as her substitute because the little boy he used to be so feared her. As a man, he still fears her. Every time he hurt me, it was actually his revenge on her.  It finally makes sense in a deeply sick twisted way. He hated his six sisters too.  He was very jealous that his mother treated her daughters with love, and with held it from him and his brother.  The irony is that he ran away from his daughters and I only to once again live in the midst of all those women he grew up hating. Wonder how that’s working out for him now?

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