Yesterday, I sort of had an epiphany about why I was the target and symbol of his rage. It really made sense to me. In his mind, I had the status of his mother. You know how mama's boy type men marry a woman that reminds them of their mom and daddy's little girl type … Continue reading Not his Mommy Dearest
Do any of you really know what fear is? Terror, fright, horror, panic, alarm, dread..... yes, all that, but also the feeling of it physically affecting your body....shaking....quivering....sweating....tightening of muscles..... like stepping inside a scary horror flick. Washing the the evening dishes, staring at my reflection in the darkened window, I would feel the fear creeping … Continue reading Fear
The components that made up my marriage were temper tantrums, mental illness, and evil within my spouse. Some of what I experienced was just normal in an abnormal marriage. When everything is intermingled and connected, it's difficult to separate. One thing I am sure of is how I felt as each thing happened. How … Continue reading Seat belts Save Lives
The problem? I am a rainbow fish swimming in a sea of salmon. There are no other rainbow fish where I am looking. I'm in the wrong place. I don't fit in. I need another rainbow fish like me. Or a lion fish would be great. Just not a salmon. They're okay but not what … Continue reading A Rainbow Fish in a Sea of Salmon
Yes, stupid me. That is the simple true answer to the question of why I stayed. It really hit me like a ton of bricks when I realized how easily he lied to and manipulated me. I stupidly believed every single thing he said.Sometimes, I am just standing there and a random memory enters my … Continue reading Stupid Me
Three things. It was three things that happened in the last remnants of what remained of my marriage that I couldn't forgive you for. I spent thirty plus years forgiving everything you ever did. Those last three things ended our marriage. Attacking our daughter, attacking my brother, and your explosive behavior at work that landed … Continue reading Army of One
I bought a gun. It is a Springfield XD semi-automatic, 9mm with a four inch barrel. As I signed and dated the paperwork, I realized something ironic. It would have been my 33rd anniversary. Life is full of bizarre coincidence. Feeling the weight of my new weapon in my hand gave me confidence. I scored … Continue reading Firing Back
I think I was nineteen. We had decided to drive to Universal Studios in Hollywood. I remember how excited I was to go and see all the special effects and characters in costumes. Jaws was pretty popular and there was a coaster type ride with a shark lurching at you with all those jagged teeth. … Continue reading Whose the real Monster?