Wants

I am fifty years old.  What do I want now in a relationship? I don’t know what a  realistic expectation is and what is not. I know I don’t want anger, lies, or deceit in my life ever again. I want to be respected. I want to be adored. I want my heart to skip a beat not of dread but joy to hear the engine of his car pulling up and go running to greet him. I want him to kiss me and desire me. I want him to know me, my past, present, and future. I want to be important and put first for once in my life.No one has ever yet put my feelings or comfort before their own. My whole life has been as someone’s afterthought. The most important things I want in life cannot be bought. I don’t want to be judged for what I am not or haven’t done, but instead appreciated for my accomplishments.  I don’t need expensive gifts. Possessions don’t bring you joy. I want a box filled with loving memories like playing cards til midnight and laughter. I want to bake chocolate chip cookies at 3 am so we can have them together in bed. I want to be touched and held. I want to set the alarm and get up to see the sun rise. I want to be where there is a beautiful view and play twenty questions. I want to look beautiful because I am happy on the inside, not because of what I am wearing on the outside. I know it exists because I saw it in my parents relationship.  My dad adored my mother and she always came first. That is what I want.

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