I have always known he is capable of killing me. I am afraid of him. He has said many times he could easily take a life and not give it a second thought. His anger and rage are so intense and unpredictable in the moment, his body becomes a physical extension of his emotions.I can feel his dark thoughts encompass me from a thousand miles away. They permeate me and weigh me down.  He invades my mind turning my dreams into nightmares.  In them, he is always chasing me and I am always trying desperately to hide. I feel terrified he will find me. He wants to transfer his own torture by hurting me before he kills me with his own hands. I can see his contorted, leering face above me as I am crying and begging him to stop hurting me.  His hatred overwhelms me like the pain of a thousand rocks being hurled at me until my bones break.  Is he evil, or just mentally ill? The answer is both.  His evil side just makes the mentally ill side of  him cold, calculated, and capable. Both sides feed each other. His brain contains the perfect storm. I will never be around him again.  I can’t even be in the same state as him without massive anxiety.  Hearing his voice gives me a panic attack. I have 3 or 4 nightmares a week.


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