The Great Shoe Caper

It’s strange how twisted the logic of a bipolar mind is. It’s outrageous, yet remarkable and fascinating at the same time. Just so long as you are a casual observer and not trapped living inside the hallucinogenic effect of it in his world. He simply has a thought and in his mind, it’s instantly a true fact. “Where is my running shoe?”  My response “I don’t know. Do you need help looking for it?”  Suddenly it’s a conspiracy and a fact in his mind that I must have hidden it from him.  He goes into a full blown manic paranoid state of fury insisting I plotted to keep it from him and hid it or threw it out to purposely upset him. He rages through the house for hours alternately grumbling to himself in a low, angry seething voice and  boring holes into me with his demon eyes. To this day, even after finding it much later in the garage, he still honestly believes I purposely hid it there.  Similarly, after replacing a toilet in our master bath, we awoke one morning to find a small circular puddle of clear water near the base.  Clearly, it was leaking from the seal.  He immediately went into a long tirade about me sleepwalking and squatting next to it to pee on the floor, or how women pee in multiple directions and I must have peed horizontally instead of vertically. In any scenario his mind could produce, it was definitely my  fault.   This is funny to look back on but not so much in the moment. Then there’s the time he was so mad when he got in the truck to drive and I had moved the rear and side view mirrors when I drove it before him.  His tantrum was swift, loud, and shockingly brutal as I watched him actually punching himself several times in the head. This was to replace punching me he said. I still remember the red lumps on his head. I was 18 and it was so confusing and scary.  I came from a calm, loving family.  I had never witnessed such a thing. This became my daily life for the next 32 years.

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